Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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