i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
