I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
