the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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