It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
