I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
