you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
