I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Drunk is not a location!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
