the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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