he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I want a musical about memes.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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