I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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