Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
