there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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