you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
