I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
