We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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