Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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