how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
