She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
