I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
