I feel like abortions should bother me more
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
