I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
birth control should be required to get into college
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize