The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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