just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
