you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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