if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
