Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
