Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
