What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
