I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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