Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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