I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
