i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
