that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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