I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
