Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
