Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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