so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If I die, sorry about rent.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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