im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
