This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
