How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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