There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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