Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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