I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
