just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
