I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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