I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
