five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
