I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
