This gyro tastes like lonliness
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
