There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
