we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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