She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
