I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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