Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
