I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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