There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
