so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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