I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
