he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
