hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
