wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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