dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
