Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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