And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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