Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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