im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
your room smells of hookers.
And success
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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