I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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