Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
