God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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