i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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